dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
