ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
