we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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