you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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