i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
