I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
