so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
