party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
