Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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