I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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