It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize