I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
