Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
