He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
