i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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