my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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