Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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