I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
