If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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