these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
