and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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