Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
