I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
