Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
