you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
