So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My ass is underappreciated
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize