the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
