Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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