Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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