He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
