Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
