it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
