Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
