I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I smell like Dick and happiness
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
