I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
