her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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