Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
