She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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