oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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