i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
