finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
