i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
