tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
