At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
