PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
