why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
