Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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