my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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