I never want to see another naked old woman again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
