I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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