I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Floor bacon is actually really good
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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