Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
