i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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