Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
