i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
