If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
