Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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