Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
