Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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