I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
