My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
