two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
