i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
