I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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