Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
