Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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