The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
